A Muslim actress drinks a Starbucks latte and listens to an NPR show about climate change on her way to a Planned Parenthood in California while wearing a Colin Kaepernick jersey she bought at Target. Oh yeah, and she’s covered through Obamacare.
Before you go and try to dox this young lady or put her into your Muslim registry, chill the eff out. She’s not real. This is a sentence I just made up that I knew would make a Republican’s head explode (if only there was a way to fit in unions and their favorite boogie man George Soros).
We’ve hit the two month mark. Two months! On the bright side, we’re only 48 months away from January 20, 2021. That sounds a lot better than 1,473 days to go. Sorry. I should have just kept it to 48 months.
[Insert awkward moment of prolonged silence.]
Let’s take a look back over the last 30 days, and try your best to not punch someone or something.
I was right. Hate to say I told you so… so I’m not going to do that. I told you so’s usually feel good. This one does not.
I’m going to lose weight. And I’m going to eat whatever I want.
That sounds fantastic. I have no idea how I’m going to do that, but I really like this. If I start to think about the science of how we actually lose weight though it doesn’t really seem to add up. Unless of course, I’m going to increase the intensity of my workouts. Am I going to increase the intensity of my workouts?
No. I’m going to lose weight. And I’m going to eat whatever I want. And I’m going to just sit on the couch all day.
As you may already know, I listen to podcasts. Lots of podcasts. I’m a real podcast dork.
But if there isn’t a new episode available for the 17 shows I subscribe to, I can’t sit behind the wheel looking for a new show. I have to pay attention to the road. Last time that happened…I ended up listening to a poorly produced “Are You The One?” podcast and was within centimeters of hitting a row of parked cars outside a Qdoba.
So instead, I listen to sports talk radio. It is much easier. I keep it on 98.7 WEPN-FM all day, whether I like the show that’s on or not. It’s just easy to not have to think about things when you’re driving. Give me a segment sponsored by a no contract mobile carrier about a quarterback controversy for a team I don’t care about. Or let me hear a retired small forward getting paid by a secondary market ticket app tell me that today’s players are soft.
See, easy. Mindless.
I was sick during the holiday weekend. And by holiday weekend, I also mean New Years Day observed, aka yesterday. Thank you for all of your well wishes, or shall I say, well wish. At least Travelling Particle cares about me. The rest of you, on the other hand, I get it. You didn’t want to get any of my germs, so you didn’t leave a comment. Fair excuse.
Since I was sick, I spent a lot of time on the couch watching TV. A lot of TV. And not Netflix, or Amazon Video or Hulu. I couldn’t find my Roku remote. So I was stuck with regular old cable television and it’s lame offerings of just 400 channels to choose from. I watched a little bit of everything; bad meaningless football, bad meaningful football, good meaningless football, food shows, travel shows, food/travel shows, movies with the words fast and/or furious in the title, and Shark Tank.
No matter what channel I was on, there it was… Promos for the new season of The Celebrity Apprentice and its new host, you know, because the old host somehow got elected President of the United States, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I vowed to write every day. And every day includes the days when you don’t feel well. Like today. I’ve actually been sick for four straight days now, but today I guess I don’t really have much energy.